E-Stalking...

I prefer avoidance to knowledge in some areas, for instance as soon as my ex and I broke up I deactivated my facebook account promptly after removing all pictures of him and him as a friend. I figured that way even if I rejoined sometime I wouldn't have to deal with it later. Today I was weak and decided to sign into facebook, and though I cannot see his profile, I did look through my older wall posts and found him on my wall...saying that he missed me...and though it was from long ago it hurt my heart, and that I was able to see that his new facebook picture didn't include me. I still keep hoping that this was all a bad dream, and the past month or so will get washed away so that I can resume my happy, lucky life.

Though its probably counter-intuitive I can't help but think how easy it was for me to show him who I truly was...not have to cover up my embarrassments or downfalls. Even though this guy from class probably will never get back in touch with me, I know that I wouldn't feel comfy for a long time telling him such personal information, and I doubt that his reaction would be the same as my ex. I know that no one agrees with me, and thinks he's a bad guy, but there was a connection there. Everyone send good vibes my way so that he comes back and continues being the guy that I first met and fell in love with. It's so sad that I can remember all the times we would joke around and laugh hysterically and be silly and realize that toward the end there just wasn't any of that...And I wonder where it went...such a physical hurt it creates. No one likes to think about it, but we are all one bad break up away from that hurt. And it doesn't dissipate easily, nor can someone else make it easy to forget, nor is it easy to even find someone for a while that you want to help you forget. I've gone through this before and it takes a lot out of you...I'm just tired of dealing and being a stronger person. And in my weakness I just keep trying to reach out to him, to make him see the error of his ways, to get him to at least talk to me. I'm ready for my happiness and everything to start going my way! I'm willing my happiness and love toward me, and as stubborn as I am, I know that it will come. And THAT is the end of THAT!