I've decided that as much fun as my own personal heartbreak is, it's time for me and everyone else to see that they're not alone. That is why I will be bringing to you a different true story of heartbreak every week. The names will be changed to protect the innocent, but hopefully you will still get the message that these experiences are natural and unfortunately typical.
1. Tara
Tara is one of my best friends for many years now, and we met in college. When we met she was dating her high school sweetheart, and they had been together for about 4 years. "Simon" had even transferred to the college that Tara was attending. Simon was a few years older, but just as much in love with Tara as he could be. I thought that they were the perfect couple and would be together forever. They had even discussed how he would give her his grandmother's wedding ring, and how many kids they would have. The two of them were attached like peanut butter and jelly, which was alright with the rest of us because we loved them both. In fact they were so much alike they even began to resemble each other. Unfortunately their bliss would not last forever. One day Simon stated that he was working on a project with Rita. Tara at first was a little jealous, but both Simon and I informed her that Rita was terribly unattractive. You see I was actually friends with Rita, and though I thought she was a nice person, she also had greasy hair, didn't shave under her arms, had a bit of a stache and frankly was just unattractive across the board. So to conceive that anything would happen between Simon and Rita seemed preposterous. Tara was gorgeous and Simon was the star football player from high school, so the idea that Simon might be interested in Rita made no sense. As time went on Simon began to spend more time with Rita, and Tara began to get increasingly jealous. It even got to the point where Tara had Simon tell Rita that he couldn't spend time with her anymore. However, one day Tara had a suspicion that Simon was in Rita's room, and concocted a plan where we would go over and confront him. So, without any warning we walked into Rita's room and found them laying in bed together (fully clothed). Tara went running out and Simon charged after her, and they spent some quality time talking and discussing while Tara cried profusely. It turns out that Simon's feelings for Rita were not platonic at all, and he did want to start dating her. Which he promptly began to do. Tara was devastated. To lose her boyfriend and love of that many years, and to lose him to someone that no one, save Simon, found attractive really hurt. It took her a little while to get over him, but we rallied around her while she cried and made sure that we hid or got rid of anything he gave her. It is many years later now and she is happy and living with her boyfriend of several years, and Simon is a distant memory in the past. But, lessons can still be learned from the situation which are these: not even the most perfect appearing couples are as perfect as they seem, and even the most "unattractive" girl can help break your heart.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Those hidden items...
So last blog I let out my frustration about my newly dumped state. This post will concentrate on the horrors that arise post breakup- namely finding items from the other person long after the post-breakup purge. I know that as soon as the dumping occurred one of the first things I rushed to take care of was getting rid of any and everything that reminded me of him. Which quite honestly was a lot- so I tried to minimize the purging to only things given to me from him, and things of his that I had in my possession. I said goodbye to my Brookstone bear "Snuggs," and a great deal of comfy tees that I had slowly borrowed from him over time, and the photos of us in happier times. I even had to change my sheets because I just couldn't bare to lay in the same sheets without him. Yes, this all sounds a little kooky, but everyone has a post breakup process. Unfortunately there are always those items and things that are hidden and lie in wait for just the right opportunity to bring your world down around your ears. For instance, there are the love letters that had been stashed away in my drawer, which I assume I will discover at some point in the future to ruin my day. Now that we are in the electronic age the g-mail account tends to be the culprit of hiding items and then springing them upon you. Being that my ex and I were in a long distance relationship there were a large number of e-mails and gchats between the two of us. I was dilligent and deleted all the messages from my inbox, but unfortunately the records of the chats remain, so while searching for an e-mail from a friend I stumbled upon a very long chat many months before, that broke my heart. From reading our fun and romantic chat it is hard to understand how we ended up where we are today. But nonetheless here I am, waiting until all the hidden things come to light, and until a time when I'm okay with all of this.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Let me clear my throat...
Sooo recently I've been going through something that is pretty universal, and that is heartbreak. Apparently my ex-boyfriend decided one day that he no longer "felt anything" for me, but instead of telling me, or talking it through, or even communicating anything to me, he just witheld that information for days, stood me up, and then informed me when I went to his house. Being told by the one person that you care for the most that they no longer care for you at all is extremely hurtful, and heartbreaking in and of itself. But it is even more painful, being that there is no true way to understand just what he meant. What exactly are you supposed to "feel"? And eventually doesn't that "feeling" go away at some point anyway? Things are not always hot and heavy, passion dies down. It's awfully pressuring to assume that one person is going to make you feel extreme love on a daily basis.
So, no I don't understand what he meant. And maybe it was just an excuse so he wouldn't hurt me more with the real reason. Either way it won't change the inevitable, which is that my once mutual love now goes unrequited. And not only that, but he won't even talk to me. Won't return my one e-mail or text. Now maybe everyone is assuming that I am in fact a crazy bitch and that my ex is lucky to have gotten out when he did. But I assure you that is not the case. I was perfectly normal before this, well as normal as any law student could be. I had a job, pursuing an advanced career, great apartment, with the great boyfriend to match. Everything was going well for me. Until that one fateful day, when a short conversation turned everything upside down. Now I wonder what I could have changed or done differently, and what could I do now to change his mind- which is truthfully nothing I'm sure. And I have to depress my friends, or conversely try to hide my feelings so as not to depress my friends. And for that effort I get the following useless advice that everyone hears:
1. Time heals all wounds- yes this is true for the most part, but not entirely helpful at the moment
2. Would you really want to be with someone who treats you like that or with someone who doesn't want to be with you? And the answer to this question invariably is: YES! which is clearly why I'm so upset by the situation. Because 1. no one else was in the relationship but me, you saw the bad points while I was there through every touch, kiss, and kind word. 2. Come on, like your relationship is that perfect? (I know for certain that it's not ;)
3. Well I mean he was too (insert whatever problem your ex suffered from which should have obviously red flagged the whole relationship from the beginning). And mine that I get from my friends is that well obviously he was too young (2 years younger than me) and sooo immature because of it. PLUS and this is what they all like to throw in so knowledgeably is - it WAS long distance. Congratulations, you have singled handedly solved my heartache and made me realize that I should only date within my zipcode AND age.
4. You're still young, you'll meet someone else. Well that's not the point is it?? I wanted THIS person, not someone else. And while statistically it is true that only 3% of people never marry (this is from a few years ago, based on US census reports), that means there are 3% of people who are alone throughout their lives. Who never meet the person they want to end up with. And who is to say that I'm not one of the 3%? Someone has to be. I mean truly finding someone who doesn't mind seeing me without my makeup on every morning for the rest of their lives would be quite rare. Men aren't like they once were, where they stick around no matter what size your butt gets.
And yes I have thrown these gems out to friends in pain and agony from breakups. And I tried to help them see what they did still have going for them. And once this experience is over and "time has healed my wounds" I'm sure that I will forget just how hard it is to get over someone you loved. However, at the moment my heart is still broken, and probably will be for a while. I will still think of him whenever I go to bed, or when the Redskins come on, or when I see an old red Nissan truck. And my heart will crumple with every passing day when that Nissan owner doesn't respond to my one hearfelt e-mail, or one text telling him that I missed him. Because he's not somewhere out there writing the male version of this blog. My guess is that for the near future my blog will significantly center around this topic, as I pour my heart out to the faceless masses (or fan) hoping that somehow this will be the catharsis that I need. So thanks for listening, and if you have a similar experience please share it.
So, no I don't understand what he meant. And maybe it was just an excuse so he wouldn't hurt me more with the real reason. Either way it won't change the inevitable, which is that my once mutual love now goes unrequited. And not only that, but he won't even talk to me. Won't return my one e-mail or text. Now maybe everyone is assuming that I am in fact a crazy bitch and that my ex is lucky to have gotten out when he did. But I assure you that is not the case. I was perfectly normal before this, well as normal as any law student could be. I had a job, pursuing an advanced career, great apartment, with the great boyfriend to match. Everything was going well for me. Until that one fateful day, when a short conversation turned everything upside down. Now I wonder what I could have changed or done differently, and what could I do now to change his mind- which is truthfully nothing I'm sure. And I have to depress my friends, or conversely try to hide my feelings so as not to depress my friends. And for that effort I get the following useless advice that everyone hears:
1. Time heals all wounds- yes this is true for the most part, but not entirely helpful at the moment
2. Would you really want to be with someone who treats you like that or with someone who doesn't want to be with you? And the answer to this question invariably is: YES! which is clearly why I'm so upset by the situation. Because 1. no one else was in the relationship but me, you saw the bad points while I was there through every touch, kiss, and kind word. 2. Come on, like your relationship is that perfect? (I know for certain that it's not ;)
3. Well I mean he was too (insert whatever problem your ex suffered from which should have obviously red flagged the whole relationship from the beginning). And mine that I get from my friends is that well obviously he was too young (2 years younger than me) and sooo immature because of it. PLUS and this is what they all like to throw in so knowledgeably is - it WAS long distance. Congratulations, you have singled handedly solved my heartache and made me realize that I should only date within my zipcode AND age.
4. You're still young, you'll meet someone else. Well that's not the point is it?? I wanted THIS person, not someone else. And while statistically it is true that only 3% of people never marry (this is from a few years ago, based on US census reports), that means there are 3% of people who are alone throughout their lives. Who never meet the person they want to end up with. And who is to say that I'm not one of the 3%? Someone has to be. I mean truly finding someone who doesn't mind seeing me without my makeup on every morning for the rest of their lives would be quite rare. Men aren't like they once were, where they stick around no matter what size your butt gets.
And yes I have thrown these gems out to friends in pain and agony from breakups. And I tried to help them see what they did still have going for them. And once this experience is over and "time has healed my wounds" I'm sure that I will forget just how hard it is to get over someone you loved. However, at the moment my heart is still broken, and probably will be for a while. I will still think of him whenever I go to bed, or when the Redskins come on, or when I see an old red Nissan truck. And my heart will crumple with every passing day when that Nissan owner doesn't respond to my one hearfelt e-mail, or one text telling him that I missed him. Because he's not somewhere out there writing the male version of this blog. My guess is that for the near future my blog will significantly center around this topic, as I pour my heart out to the faceless masses (or fan) hoping that somehow this will be the catharsis that I need. So thanks for listening, and if you have a similar experience please share it.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Welcome!
Welcome! Okay so I am new to this alleged "blogging" game. Butttt as a law student clearly I have loads of free time on my hands, so I'm going to try and figure it out. We'll see how this all goes, wish me luck!
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