I think I've finally cracked the crucial difference between men and women. This is what women require to establish and then keep up a healthy relationship- (these are what is at the core, its essence if you will)- there is attraction, and there is caring about the person for all their inner stuff. Now most of you are probably thinking, well isn't that pretty much all there is anyway? Well, I would think so too, and I really do think that is all there is to it, but somewhere along the line men have come up with something extra- attraction and caring isn't enough. There has to be some unseen X-factor- which I am sure is different for every male. I started considering all this when my ex told me while we were breaking up that it was hard because he still cared about me, and he admitted to still being attracted to me. So, in my mind I couldn't understand why he wouldn't want to be with me. How could he not feel anything if he still cared and found me attractive? And then that point was driven home when I pursued "Ryan" who also cares about me as a person, and finds me attractive, but has chosen instead another woman who lacks interest in him. I began to excuse these men for this, thinking well everyone has a type, and haven't I dismissed men for the same reason? And so I began to think about my many past experiences with men that I did not want to be with. And it turns out that it was not because of lacking some special x-factor- it was either that I was not attracted to them, or that I just didn't care about them. Now, I don't mean to say that objectively I couldn't recognize that some of these people I dismissed were attractive, that wasn't the point, the point was that I wasn't attracted and had no interest in making out or seeing them naked. Basically if I am attracted to a man, and I care about his personality then I would want to be in a relationship with him, absent any random extenuating circumstances- like him being married (although he would already be disqualified as I couldn't care about a cheater as a person).
These differences between men and women probably stem from the fact that for the most part every woman on this earth could have a happy relationship with any man, vegetable, or even houseplant if necessary. We can figure out how to make a relationship work with anyone if we want, it is just our nature to give more in this area. (Yes, I know there are exceptions to this rule, but they only prove the rule) We will stay in relationships without the extra X-factor, because we have a solid foundation to care for someone based on the other two components.
Now, understanding that there is this extra step for men has not made any of it any easier. In fact it is just as confusing as before. Because while I have identified that there is some extra X-factor guiding men's decisions there is no way to determine what that is, as it is different for every male. But, perhaps knowing this is a blessing, because at least we know what we are up against. Attraction and caring aren't enough ladies, there has to be something more for em. So set up shop and hunker down with some twizzlers and wait until the guy made for you finds your special X-factor
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